Thursday, September 24, 2009

I'll never say good bye Fish

Having missed the first memorial, as I was engulfed by the energy and magic that is Shambhala. I was obligated to make my Aunt Angela's second memorial right here in Vancouver.

Angela was, and always will be, the big sister I never had. Closer in age to myself than my mother she related to what was going on in my life. Early on in high school, when I was around the age of 14 years old I acquired some rather nasty drug habits. Having just mutually agreeing that I shouldn't live at my mother's house with her, I was now homeless. Mom moved to California that year, and I stayed in Richmond ready to deal the cards I'd been dealt.
Angela took me in without questions, had she asked and had the answers, perhaps she wouldn't have taken me in with the knowledge of how dangerous a user can possible be.
Angela has accomplished so much in her life, being given the gift of a little daughter; Heather at such a tender age has made her strive so hard for success.
Angela was so breathtakingly beautiful when I saw her last. Around Heather's graduation we took pictures outside and the woman just sparkled and glowed.
She showed me that Sunday mass isn't just a place of worship, but a place you can start to be honest with yourself and the only person watching. That there were people in the world I've yet to meet who care so deeply. And that love really is everywhere.

On July 19, 2009 in William's Lake BC, Angela was killed on impact in a head on collision. But of course she went out still enjoying life with her feet up on the dash and hand probably out the window, sialing in the wind.

I was in Yellowknife and nearly 3000 km away. She left behind a 13 year old daughter, who I will forever and always treasure as my own little sister no matter what happens. And I hope she knows that she come to me anytime, or let me know and i will go to her. I will never judge her or expect anything of her, just love her and expect that she loves herself and try her hardest.

I was overwhelmed by guilt for not being at that first memorial in William's Lake. But I had peace with Angela, not even a few weeks before had I decided one morning to call everyone in my phone book and thank them for their presence in my life. I let everyone know how much I loved and appreciated them. When Angela picked up the phone, despite being in the middle of something, we ended up talking away for a near hour. I had thanked her deeply for every moment and every second she had been in my life. I was so greatful for all the times and kind words she had shared with me.

I will never say good bye Fish.


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